Life

Before this year, I was blessed to have never lost someone close to me but that all changed in March.  It has been a tough couple of weeks but I have learned a lot especially from the people I have lost.

First, Ryan Hawks, passed away suddenly after a ski accident.  Although I didn't know Ryan to much beyond broom ball and as Alicia's brother, he had a bigger impact on my life than I initially realized.  Ryan was so full of life and that energy was contagious.  I remember there were nights that broom ball was late and I was tired and had work to do but once I got on the ice and saw Ryan sprawled out in the goal or speeding up the ice I forgot about how tired I was and really enjoyed myself!  Ryan also had the ability to make everyone in the room laugh and he was always putting a smile on everyone's face.  He was always putting other's before him and made sure everyone was having a good time no matter what we were doing. I still remember the Thanksgiving dinner we had at 41 S Willard and how I wished that dinner would never end!  Ryan is missed terribly by so many people but in his memory I have been trying to get the most out of life and live everyday fully just like Ryan would!  I am working on not taking life so seriously and to truly enjoy every day the best I can.

Secondly, I lost my Grandpa Doc to his fight with Alzheimer's.  He was the doctor in the family and had a love for medicine that I am attempting to carry on now in his honor.  Even in this last year when his memory was starting to deteriorate, he never let his frustration show.  He still came to all the family parties and make an effort to contribute to conversations.  In his last days, I went to his house to help my Grandma Joy take care of him.  We needed to clean out his mouth and initially would not open his mouth for my grandma so I said I would give it a try...after a little convincing he opened his mouth and let me clean it out.  It meant so much to me that he allowed me to clean out his mouth - even though it was a little thing I will remember it for the rest of my life.  Before he died, I was able to say my good-bye and it was definitely the hardest good-bye I had to say but I will treasure those last moments with him for ever.  Miss and Love you Grandpa Doc!

Thirdly, the Epstein family had to say goodbye to Bobbin.  I knew Bobbin very well from all his trips to St. Louis and from all the time I spent with him when he was in town.  Bobbin was one of the sweetest and most lovable people I knew and he had the best hug in the world.  He also had the ability to get a whole room to laugh.  Even though I wasn't related to Bobbin, he seemed like a third Grandpa and he treated me like any of his other grandkids.  Caitlin and her siblings could not have asked for a more perfect Grandpa for their family.  Bobbin Bobbin will be missed forever and I will never forget his love for his family and friends.

I have also lost my Aunt Donna.  My aunt was in a car accident about 15 years ago that she never fully recovered from.  It naturally took a big toll on her family and everyone that loved her.  But my uncle and cousins handled it so well.  She has reminded me how important it is to tell your loved ones you love them because our lives are so fragile and our whole world can change in a matter of seconds.  Although my aunt is finally in peace of 15 long and trying years, it is still hard to come to terms with death but I am able to find peace in knowing she is no longer suffering.  But I will never forget my many memories of her doing my hair on our annual summer trips.

Lastly, and though this may seem trivial, I lost my first patient I truly grew close too.  I know that in my future career death of patients will become a very familiar but I will never forget this first patient.  He was a drug addict that had burnt all his bridges with his family and with many healthcare workers.  And therefore did not have many people on his side advocating for him, so I decided to take on this role.  Although my time with his was limited, I think I was able to make his final days more peaceful by completing the little things.  I held his hand while he was suctioned, gave his ice chips when he was not able to eat and made sure he was getting pain medication for pain.  This patient taught me how important it is for me as a nurse to show compassion for all my future patients - no matter their history.  I will never forget the bond I formed with this patient and thank for everything he taught me.

I am striving to take what I learned for each of these important people and incorporate them into my daily life.  Each person meant so much to so many people that I am thankful for the time I was able to spend with them and grateful for everything each person has taught me!